My kids might be eating brownies laced with crazy sauce

Both of my children made fantastic Mother's Day gifts, as well as cards. Just look at that World's Best Mommy certificate Little Miss made me on the computer at school! Total horseshit, but I'll take it while I can get it.

As of Mother's Day 2013, I hadn't done their laundry in two weeks, the bathrooms hadn't been cleaned in a week (like the good, deep clean, not just the surface cleaning,) and our kitchen floor was a shade darker in color than normal. The rest of the house hadn't seen the vacuum since last Friday.

Yeah, that's right my friends, World's Best Mommy at her finest!

However, let's not focus on the lack of effort on my part leading up to the day that honors "moms." Let's focus on the day itself, shall we?

On Mother's Day morning I opened up The Boy's gift, a beautiful glass coaster, that he customized with a finger print purple flower inserted into the back of the glass. It's beautiful. I then read his card, and realized my son might be eating brownies laced with crazy sauce.

In the card he wrote that we bake brownies together.....

Now, I know he knows what baking means, because he does this with his Daddy all the time. I know he hasn't confused mommy BUYING brownies together, with BAKING brownies together. All I can think is he meant we "ate brownies together," or he's been eating brownies laced with some kind of crazy sauce.

Okay, I'll go with the teachers probably misunderstood him. Figured he meant baking, because, you know, all moms bake, right? They apparently have no clue who I am. They have met me, they should already know it's best if I stay out of the kitchen!

Now, if this wasn't enough to make me scratch my head, my daughter made amazing cards, and a variety of things in her first grade class. One of the items she made had little things about why she loved me. Awesome answers, even if one of them is total bullshit.

She loves me because I'm the best cook in the world.

I'll give you a minute so you can collect yourself off the floor, or run to the bathroom to pee from the laughter.

TICK, TOCK. TICK, TOCK. We all back now? Okay, so I looked at her and asked "really, best cook in the world?" She kind of giggled.

All I can think is that she was eating the same brownies, perhaps with hallucinogens? Perhaps she believes all that pasta I boil up is hand made? No clue. Then she piped up and said "I liked that chicken with mushrooms you made."

OOOHHHHH, it all clicked. I had been doing the Slimmer book review, and made a chicken a la creme dish from the book. It's actually SUPER delicious. Even when I make it.

Apparently, she had that on her mind when she was creating her card. Makes sense......she's kind of giving me a boost for my ego, perhaps to inspire me to continue the cooking streak I was on.

Unfortunately, that first week caused me to gain weight, so now I'm stuck losing not just my 10 pounds of winter weight, but now another 5 pounds on top of that. I might insert some of the meals into my Isagenix regime....but that means my husband has to buy more chicken.

As for The Boy.......well, I'm still not quite sure what was going on in his mind........this Mom has never baked him brownies, nor have we baked any together.

I'm scared to know what else goes on in his mind.......guess we'll find out with the next holiday, Father's Day. What will he say about Daddy on his card?

Are you waiting with anticipation? NOOO? Why not? This shit's about to get real!